Tick… tick… tick, an annoying sound reminding me it is time to get up and start my day. Who do I blame? Jost Bürgi? After all, he did invent the minute hand back in 1577. Although, it had its fair share of problems and as a result in 1656 Christian Huygens created the pendulum clock. Or, do I blame the Egyptians, the Hindus, the Greeks for having recognized time in the first place with water clocks, the hourglass, and sundials? As I lay staring up at the ceiling, pillows perfectly molded around my head, blankets embracing me with warmth and security, I ponder; how many others are ticked off? Perhaps I should blame myself for not purchasing the clock radio or the one with the dim lights? On that note, there is the borborygmus, the rumble in my tummy reminding me I am hungry and I toss off the covers, quickly exposing myself to the cold elements of morning. Shivering, I grab my bathrobe thankful for the man or woman who came up with this nifty design.
Otter (Lutra Canadensis), an appropriate name for my feline,rubs against my legs then darts and weaves around my ankles with every step I attempt to take forward, a testament to his hunger and urgency to eat breakfast. I almost laugh out loud at the very word, breakfast… break fast… not to be confused with the tempting French breakfast, Le Reacquisition… a meal consisting of one or more alcohols mixed together. I opt for a cup of coffee, a couple of eggs and toast lightly buttered, instead and Otter will have a can of 9-Lives if he doesn’t cause me to fall and break a limb beforehand. After a dozen or so near mishaps, I manage to peel back the lid on his food and dump its contents into his bowl as he descends, lapping at his meal with no sign of stopping to even glance in my direction as a means of thanks. The sound he makes is downright frightening making me think I’d lose my hand if I attempted to touch him or his dish. As I rinse the can, about to toss it in with the recycling, I decide to read the ingredients to see what it is that causes him to go bizerk. “Meat by products, water sufficient for processing”further down, “pantothenate, riboflavin supplement, pyridoxine hydrochloride, menadione sodium bisulfite, sodium nitrate.” He seems happy. None-the-less I am left with a look of stupor wondering what the hell it is he’s actually eating and, furthermore, what’s in my food? I grab a loaf of bread and look…“Whole wheat flour, water, wheat gluten, high fructose corn syrup, 2% or less of: mono and diglycerides, dough conditioners (sodium stearoyl lactylate, calcium iodate, calcium dioxide), calcium sulfate, extracts of malted barley and corn, dicalcium phosphate, diammonium phosphate, and calcium propionate (to retain freshness).” All I know is, this is nothing like mom used to bake. Well, at least the eggs are safe. The container reads “No antibiotics. No hormones.” Lutein and zeaxanthin are good for your eyes; choline aids brain development, and folate – all kinds of goodness generating new cell growth, protecting against anemia and serious birth defects, not that I’m planning on having a baby anytime soon, if at all.
Ahh, my beloved coffee! For years I have listened to the scare-tactics and back-and-forth arguments of damaging side effects verses medical benefits. Arguments claiming you stunt growth, cause heart palpitations, anxiety, liver damage, cancer and other serious illnesses. On the flipside I’ve heard (or maybe I simply want to believe) when coffee is consumed in large quantities it actually prevents type 2 diabetes and reduces heart disease. Then I wonder aloud, “Am I at risk of diabetes and heart disease?” I determine I am an unlikely candidate as neither run in my family but for the sake of others I will brew a large pot to play it safe; seven scoops of bold roast to seven cups of water. Coffee contains antioxidants and tannin. Caffeine opens blood vessels, stimulates circulation, reduces asthma and it is the ergogenic of choice propelling me through my morning and workday.
Otter finishes eating his breakfast and moves to bask in the sun filtering through the window as I decide to proceed with my meal as planned although I opt for one slice of toast instead of two. I grab a cast iron skillet because Teflon produces pefluoronated compounds; hydrogen fluoride, carbonyl fluoride and perfluoroisobutylene which when heated can increase the danger of Teflon toxicosis causing shortness of breath, irritation to the nose and throat along with other flu-like symptoms sometimes including death.
I’ve been up for all of 15 minutes and already life is looking grim. I toss the pan on the stove, turn up the flame, add a small amount of olive oil, and wait for it to heat before cracking two eggs. I depress the lever on the toaster. By the time it pops the coffee should be brewed, the eggs over-medium, and the toast crispy. Note to self; be sure to use an oven mitt so as not to burn myself on the skillet handle like I did the last time. Arranging my food on a plate in a presentable manner, I think what else is in my cupboards that are potentially harmful? Maybe I should move to the country and grow organic food free of pesticides, preservatives, and other additives but in this day of economic duress, the thought is far easier than application. Looking up at the clock I’ve somehow managed to time everything just right. I sit and pick at my mostly healthy breakfast and wonder if I should thank Jost Bürgi and Christian Huygens, for it appears I’ll make it to work on time… again!
